Thursday, February 24, 2011

Dear God: please don't let it snow on a Sunday

Living in the the "green" belt of BC, snow comes perhaps twice a year and usually, a light dusting at worst. Here today. Gone tomorrow.

That said, we have been blasted by Mother Nature a few times in the past decade and have been completely paralyzed - our ineptitude and anguish drowned out by the loud snickers and snorts of Canadians elsewhere. Our comeuppance usually arrives in the form of a high flower count in late-February.

Our fair city is adapting to climate change, however, and so, when the latest wintry blast blew somewhat unexpectedly in the early hours of morning yesterday, Victorians were basically back on their feet by this morning.

Well, let's say some Victorians were back on their feet. Those with wheels on their strollers or wheelchairs or those with casts, canes, crutches, unsteady feet, high heels or just plain common sense took one look at the minefields the sidewalks in their neighbourhoods had become and beat a hasty retreat back inside.

My youngest and I crunched and tiptoed and slid to school this morning, along the ice-pocked sidewalks of our urban-residential neighbourhood. He, brashly pushing forth like any five-year old with some pluck, sturdy boots, and a close proximity to the ground should. Me, less so -older, wiser, fragile bones reluctant.

Yesterday was smooth sailing by today's comparison. Soft, wet snow. The smush and crunch of boots. If not driving or cycling, your chances of calamity were slim. Of course, for those who have any sense whatsoever know, if you didn't shovel and clear your sidewalk yesterday, with an overnight forecast of more snow and -7 degrees, those same pathways would be deadly today. Not clearing your sidewalk is basically telling your neighbours to f*ck off and break a leg.

I think it goes without saying that we do not expect people who are incapable or unable of clearing their sidewalks to do so. Being a lazy a*s does not qualify as a good excuse. Nor does being a renter. Nor does worshipping God. The single worst perpetrators of sidewalk sabotage by apathy in my neighbourhood? Houses of the holy.

Um, are you there, God? It's me, Fiona. Nope, don't have my period. No, not worried about kissing Sam in 4th grade. Um, please don't send me to Hell just for this but, um, your peeps are not doing their civic duty and I'm pissed.

The bricks and mortar that occasionally house your faithful sit on larger, longish corner lots. With two longish sidewalk sides. On snowy, inclement weather days, these lengths of sidewalk lie embarrassingly and treacherously unshovelled. Uncleared. Ice-pocked. Hazardous. Pray tell why they are not cleared? Are you in our hearts always, but in church only on Sundays? I know someone was there, I saw footprints in the snow exiting from the side door. Do your worshippers only kneel, not scoop or sweep? Do they pretend not to see their church as they walk their kids to school? Cough and look the other way?

Listen, I'm not trying to judge you or anything but I'm not fast or strong enough to catch every able and un-able being that is trying to pick his or her way across the icy path that is your threshold.

I know, I know - it's a weekday. I feel your pain. Faith these days seems to be practiced only on Christmas Eve and Sundays.

Dear God: I pray it snows this Sunday, so everyone can walk home without falling on their arses.

Love the Chilis:
 Red Hot Chilli Peppers - Snow .mp3
Found at bee mp3 search engine

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